the 'F' word...

the F word......
now first of all let me clarify which F word i am reffering to, i mean the word
FRIENDSHIP.
yes, thats the word... this one word can create either utter chaos.. or total joy in ones life. hard to say, at times.. the feeling is of total bliss... a feeling which makes you so happy, so content and satisfied that you cannot possibly wish for anything else in the world...
but then there are times when this very word makes you wonder about life. like every coin has two sides.. similarly so does this one word called friendship...
constantly changing..
there are times when i simply fail to understand the so called ' rules' of friendships. i just feel people make them up for their own convience.. friendship should be timeless and with no boundaries. free from all types of expectations... it should be simple .. and i just dont understand why we complicate it?
does friendship mean that if you have a huge group , u have to be close to everyone all the time? each and everyone should know what goes on in the others life? is it compulsory that if there is a group of say 15 ppl all of them should be equally transperant with each other? more than compulsion is it possible?
i dont think so.. i really feel that there are very few ppl one can really and geniuenly relate to. yes maybe you can be friendly with everyone in a big group.. but its just not possible.. to go about telling all your secrets to each and every person in the group. if that was the case we might as well have told everything to all the ppl walking down the streets.
thats where we draw a line between the friends and the best friends.,,, some say this differentiation is bad, it breaks the group, i have even been accused of breaking a group becoz of this reason.. but quite honestly.. i dont feel so..... i feel that there are just 2 or 3 people with whom we can actually be our true self.
so many times i go out with my group of friends.. and i usually dont talk much... i do.. leave a comment here and there... but the main reason is that i find it very hard to chatter all the time among a group of ppl. i can definately chatter 24*7 with a few ppl whom i am really close to, but not with everyone... and thats where i sometimes wonder if i am wrong? do i miss out on anything? honestly speaking i dont feel left out, i equally enjoy the outing, its just that i prefer to stay a bit more passive... and i dont think its wrong... but many ppl around me.. feel that i should be more vocal.. speak more, chatter more.. and really its not my cup of tea...
many a times for the sake of FRIENDSHIP i do try as hard as possible to chatter, but at the end of it.. i dont feel happy....as compared to as even if i speak for 5 mins to my dearest friend on the phone.. that joy is so much more .. i dont say ppl are wrong that they chatter so much.. maybe thats their way of expressing.
mine is more through silence and writing... one of my friend always says that as soon as i reach home.. i always find some topic to msg him.. true.. it makes me more comfortable to speak , by writing,., i really feel that i can express more by writing than speaking..
somehow i get tongue tied when i speak.. now that doesnt mean i dont speak at all... i do.. and trust me there are times when ppl wish i stop speaking.... but those are rare occasions...
i really wonder , is it a crime to be silent and paitent to make friendS?
in college i have very few friends... more than friends they are just ppl who i talk to becoz they sit around me.. i havent gone out of my way to talk to anyone. or get involved in any group.. and not many ppl have also come to speak with me.. but i am more the paitent types... i want to make sure that the friends i have are really worth keeping till the end! but sometimes i feel scared that i may end up being alone in this world if i do that.
i just hope that doesnt happen...
i have very few close friends.. and i truly love them .. and i cannot imagine what i cannot imagine what i can do without them! i just hope.. that i can be with them till the end of the road.. and that they also feel the same way about me....
and these are the ppl who make u feel that life is really beautiful!!!! cheers to them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!